Am I still straight?
Ive been concerned about my sexuality for a long time now. Im 26 and I dont have a girl friend but have dated and had sex with females. I really like
I've been concerned about my sexuality for a long time now. I'm 26 and I don't have a girl friend but have dated and had sex with females. I really like this because it makes me feel whole. I feel relaxed and horny how just thinking about the sex. Anyway, I've also been struggling with some confusion about some of my character and behavior issues. I don't see my self as effeminate but I am kind, considerate, I can be sweet guy. I don't play sports. I'm afraid I'd lose. But Im not against playing all together. If I had the skill, yeah Bring it. In my mind I feel so insecure. I'm 240 lbs, I have a flabby chest and all of this cause poor body image for me. I'm not a fighter either but I will fight given the right situation. My major problem is I have had crazy sexual experiences with other guys. I feel the anxiety now. When I think back to these experiences I don't know why I was think this would solve my problems because it only made them worst. To be a little more clear, all the experiences were incomplete, unsatisfying. Now anytime someone asks me about relationships, I feel so guilty and ashamed. I feel that way because of my own thoughts about the whole issue. I feel pretty confident about who I am because I do things that are different. I'm black and I like hockey. I listen to all kinds of music, I've practiced yoga. I've done some stuff that would bring attention to myself I guess. My reason for saying that is because, if I wanted to date a guy I would be open about that. I dont see why i would hide that if that were my all out desire. I can't see myself in relationship (romantic) kissing, loving, holding hands relationship with a guy. That's pushed my limit. Another example, I couldnt actually sleep with a guy and wake up with that in my face. my heart isnt built for that. My expression is real, I don't think that I'm in denial about my sexuality. I dont desire this stuff. But what brings the confusion is my gayporn use and those encounters. I think its really bad when I am looking at gay porn because that is when I say hey, I want to have sex with a guy. I think its the porn that makes me fantasize about the sex. Because of that I'm scared that I'll be like some of these 40 year old men that have kids and decide they want to be with men. I'm just scared of that happening but I really dont have a personality that falls back on decisions like that.
I have mixed emotions on the whole gay topic. I dont think that those relationships are good but I dont have hate for a person that chooses them. Hell, I have. But in my doing so, I have destroyed my sense of self and caused a lot of unhappiness. I have told people about my experiences openly and know some can probably tell that I have done some of these things. Hiding is not my problem. OWNING the passed mistakes and imperfections of my self to move on is what I have an issue with.
I'm giving all this information because I want to be free from my own insecurity. I welcome your questions, insight and comments.
or:I've been concerned about my sexuality for a long time now. I'm 26 and I don't have a girl friend but have dated and had sex with females. I really like this because it makes me feel whole. I feel relaxed and horny how just thinking about the sex. Anyway, I've also been struggling with some confusion about some of my character and behavior issues. I don't see my self as effeminate but I am kind, considerate, I can be sweet guy. I don't play sports. I'm afraid I'd lose. But Im not against playing all together. If I had the skill, yeah Bring it. In my mind I feel so insecure. I'm 240 lbs, I have a flabby chest and all of this cause poor body image for me. I'm not a fighter either but I will fight given the right situation. My major problem is I have had crazy sexual experiences with other guys. I feel the anxiety now. When I think back to these experiences I don't know why I was think this would solve my problems because it only made them worst. To be a little more clear, all the experiences were incomplete, unsatisfying. Now anytime someone asks me about relationships, I feel so guilty and ashamed. I feel that way because of my own thoughts about the whole issue. I feel pretty confident about who I am because I do things that are different. I'm black and I like hockey. I listen to all kinds of music, I've practiced yoga. I've done some stuff that would bring attention to myself I guess. My reason for saying that is because, if I wanted to date a guy I would be open about that. I dont see why i would hide that if that were my all out desire. I can't see myself in relationship (romantic) kissing, loving, holding hands relationship with a guy. That's pushed my limit. Another example, I couldnt actually sleep with a guy and wake up with that in my face. my heart isnt built for that. My expression is real, I don't think that I'm in denial about my sexuality. I dont desire this stuff. But what brings the confusion is my gayporn use and those encounters. I think its really bad when I am looking at gay porn because that is when I say hey, I want to have sex with a guy. I think its the porn that makes me fantasize about the sex. Because of that I'm scared that I'll be like some of these 40 year old men that have kids and decide they want to be with men. I'm just scared of that happening but I really dont have a personality that falls back on decisions like that. I have mixed emotions on the whole gay topic. I dont think that those relationships are good but I dont have hate for a person that chooses them. Hell, I have. But in my doing so, I have destroyed my sense of self and caused a lot of unhappiness. I have told people about my experiences openly and know some can probably tell that I have done some of these things. Hiding is not my problem. OWNING the passed mistakes and imperfections of my self to move on is what I have an issue with. I'm giving all this information because I want to be free from my own insecurity. I welcome your questions, insight and comments.
or:Okay lover boy, you are one messed up guy. You are not fully gay and are aren't fully straight either. You probably mixed feelings about gay encounters and sex too. You want to have sex but don't want to be in a relationship with a gay guy.I'd say that you're possibly 40% gay and that that part is not fully developed. You want to marry a woman but you like men too, and are too scared about it. the only way to live a good life that way is to be open about it. I mean I wouldn't like to go to a party where say one minute you were ******* Tim and the next minute got his gf pregnant.Be open. let people criticize you, but in the end you are a human too. Black or white, rich or poor you are a human and have equal rights. You mustn't care about what other people say. You are what is important- it's your life- do what you will. get a grip on your life. And not watching gay porn won't make you feel any better cause it will subconsciously increase your desire for sex.Remember, YOU are important.
