Boyfriend lost father and now he's angry with me... help?
My boyfriends father passed away and hes really torn up about it. Ive offered him and his family support.But because of some legitimate reasons, I can
My boyfriend's father passed away and he's really torn up about it. I've offered him and his family support.
But because of some legitimate reasons, I can't attend the funeral with him. So now he's really upset and angry with me. He thinks I'm choosing these reasons over him, but that's not the case- I would be at the funeral if I could. But he won't listen to me. I've offered him so much support but he's starting to push me away. So I'm staying away a little, giving him some space.
But he's so upset that I'm not coming to the funeral that I think he's starting to hate me (I'm putting this down to grieving so I'm not going to hold it against him). I think he's just looking for someone to be angry with because it's a distressing time. I'm worried about him.
My question is what can I do to support him and will he always be angry at me?
or:My boyfriend's father passed away and he's really torn up about it. I've offered him and his family support.But because of some legitimate reasons, I can't attend the funeral with him. So now he's really upset and angry with me. He thinks I'm choosing these reasons over him, but that's not the case- I would be at the funeral if I could. But he won't listen to me. I've offered him so much support but he's starting to push me away. So I'm staying away a little, giving him some space. But he's so upset that I'm not coming to the funeral that I think he's starting to hate me (I'm putting this down to grieving so I'm not going to hold it against him). I think he's just looking for someone to be angry with because it's a distressing time. I'm worried about him.My question is what can I do to support him and will he always be angry at me?
or:\"Often, all that is needed is your presence along with a simple expression, such as \u201cI am so sorry.\u201d In many cultures, giving the person a hug or a gentle squeeze of the arm is an effective way to show you care. If the bereaved one wants to talk, listen sympathetically. Best of all, do something for the bereaved family, perhaps performing a chore the grieving one has not been able to care for, such as cooking a meal, caring for the children, or helping with funeral arrangements if that is desired. Such actions may speak louder than the most eloquent words.\"For more practical information like this, visit JW(dot)org. I hope this helps in this difficult time.
or:The reasons for not attending would have to be legitimate through his perspective which, as you've stated, may well be askew at such a time.What to do is a complex issue, as his reaction may fluctuate vastly. Yes, he needs to be supported, yet may reject attempts of consolation. If they aren't working, give him time. This sort of hatred isn't a positive feedback loop; eventually life takes over, death becomes a painful memory as part of it.
or:To me it sounds like he may want/need some space, so give him some space, at times still give him some support but don't do it way too much. And it depends on why you couldn't go to the funeral.... If it's that important of a reason than he will probably understand when he feels a little better, but if it wasn't really that important he may stay mad at you, maybe not always but he would still be mad at you for a long time.
