Brothers wedding, to go or not to go?

so I have been invited to my brothers wedding, he lives an hour drive at both ends and a four hour flight in the middle to reach him. He lives close t

so I have been invited to my brothers wedding, he lives an hour drive at both ends and a four hour flight in the middle to reach him. He lives close to my dad and I have not seen either of them in 3 years. The invite states that they is no children except their own, 11 and 4 years old, I am able to come but would have to bring my child and would be coming for a week to catch up with family and attend wedding but I will be needing to take my 6 year old son with me and everyone I know that could babysit him will be at the wedding, so I asked if we could be the exception and I could bring my son to the wedding as we really have no choice and he is very well behaved so he won't cause any trouble being there. I called my brother and he was very understanding as very pleased we could come but had to run it by the wife to be, after a few hours I get a call from wife to be saying that they both totally understand that we will not be attending the wedding...well I suppose that is a "no" to having my son come.....I do understand the reasons for it being that others might get upset that they couldnt have their kids come too could cause some trouble even though all those attending with kids not coming live close by and have sitters. O.K. so I was a bit upset after the call, had a cry about not being able to see my brother get married but I understood ( kinda) I then get a call an hour later saying that they have had a big talk and an arguement but both think it would be a great idea for me and my son to come now....hmm not sure I want to go I really did not want to start any fight between them and its their special day its not about me but I dont know what to say to them, I really don't want to go now, I feel like I have made them feel like they have to invite me and my son now and thats not what I wanted if it didn't suit them to make the exception...I don't know what to do. If I go then I think it could cause trouble and If I don't then they might get hurt... help!

or:so I have been invited to my brothers wedding, he lives an hour drive at both ends and a four hour flight in the middle to reach him. He lives close to my dad and I have not seen either of them in 3 years. The invite states that they is no children except their own, 11 and 4 years old, I am able to come but would have to bring my child and would be coming for a week to catch up with family and attend wedding but I will be needing to take my 6 year old son with me and everyone I know that could babysit him will be at the wedding, so I asked if we could be the exception and I could bring my son to the wedding as we really have no choice and he is very well behaved so he won't cause any trouble being there. I called my brother and he was very understanding as very pleased we could come but had to run it by the wife to be, after a few hours I get a call from wife to be saying that they both totally understand that we will not be attending the wedding...well I suppose that is a \"no\" to having my son come.....I do understand the reasons for it being that others might get upset that they couldnt have their kids come too could cause some trouble even though all those attending with kids not coming live close by and have sitters. O.K. so I was a bit upset after the call, had a cry about not being able to see my brother get married but I understood ( kinda) I then get a call an hour later saying that they have had a big talk and an arguement but both think it would be a great idea for me and my son to come now....hmm not sure I want to go I really did not want to start any fight between them and its their special day its not about me but I dont know what to say to them, I really don't want to go now, I feel like I have made them feel like they have to invite me and my son now and thats not what I wanted if it didn't suit them to make the exception...I don't know what to do. If I go then I think it could cause trouble and If I don't then they might get hurt... help!

or:This is quite the dilemma, I would heavily consider going just to see family, but with the side of caution that there may be some hard feelings from the bride (who clearly did not want children to attend). Maybe once you have arrived (if you arrive before the wedding day), you could make arrangements to have someone your brother approves of babysit your son. I'm sure other guests that are attending could give you recommendations if you could contact them once you've arrived. OR if your son has any really good friends at home, maybe you could arrange an extended sleep over with the friends' parents while you're away. [These are my compromise suggestions]I would personally attend with your son, since it would be good for BOTH of you to see your family. The bride is probably under a lot of stress, creating a \"no kids\" policy is very hard when everyone wants to be the exception. You however really kind of are the exception, in my opinion. Just make sure your son understands that he needs to behave and that this does not turn into a bad memory. Once the wedding is over and the reception has begun she probably won't care (this was the case with my sister-in-law who about had a fit when she saw I had a floral dress with an off white background - the no white rule, which i thought applied only to solid white). The wedding is a very stressful event that can bring out the worst in the bride, and I think that once the day is over that you will all enjoy spending time together as a family.Relating to the off white thing I experienced, I was originally told I was not allowed to be in the pictures because of my \"white\" dress (by the bride herself), since it would ruin their precious wedding photos. Later, the next day after the bride (now wife) had reviewed the photos asked why I was not in them... It took a lot of will power not to get angry since this was very insulting to me to begin with, but my advice is to not make a harsh decision based on someone who is clearly not themselves, that you and your family may regret later or even years from now.

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