Hello everybody, can you please read my poem and tell me what you think?

Topic given by state for inter-scholastic competition: BuildersPlease set religion aside, were looking at the poem please + I mean no disrespect to yo

Topic given by state for inter-scholastic competition: Builders

Please set religion aside, we're looking at the poem please + I mean no disrespect to you, or your beliefs.

Builders

The night is their master,
the one they obey.

They can only work until the end of 12 hours,
only half the given day.
For in the darkness is no light,
and though they try to see,
to no avail.

By the hammer and drill they continue on,
but come dusk,
the night commands their work a break.

Only on the morrow do they continue,
commencing at dawn.
The second nail driven,
the first board is lain.
12 hours later,
the cycle starts again.
The builders continue,
they don’t give in.
The night will no longer be their master,
perhaps - it’s never been.

In a brave chatoyance,
a radiance from the lamp granted them,
reflected, shot off the nails.
No more commands to be heard,
they continue on.

Darkness meeting defeat by light,
through a superior’s strength they prevail.

Freedom brought by light,
the light found by grace.

They worked on,
by day, even by night.
The task nearly finished.
They continued on,
and justly,
there’s work,
to build.

Through mercy, light is permitted us.
Not by the work we do,
nor our goodness,
but the mercy of an Overseer.

The Overseer’s name?
Jesus.
Jesus, Son of God most High,
and King of all.
Jesus,
the Cornerstone and Rock of our foundation.

Daily, and nightly,
we build.

For what purpose?

We’re building our faith,
daily, even nightly.
Our faith we build on the Cornerstone,
the Founding Rock of our core belief.

Jesus,
the King.
The Lord.
Our Savior,
even our Prince of Peace.
The Builder of the world,
not only our Foundation Rock,
the Builder of our faith.

Jesus,
the first, the last, the ultimate.
Builder.

or:Topic given by state for inter-scholastic competition: BuildersPlease set religion aside, we're looking at the poem please + I mean no disrespect to you, or your beliefs.BuildersThe night is their master,the one they obey.They can only work until the end of 12 hours,only half the given day.For in the darkness is no light,and though they try to see,to no avail.By the hammer and drill they continue on,but come dusk,the night commands their work a break.Only on the morrow do they continue,commencing at dawn.The second nail driven,the first board is lain.12 hours later, the cycle starts again.The builders continue,they don\u2019t give in.The night will no longer be their master, perhaps - it\u2019s never been.In a brave chatoyance, a radiance from the lamp granted them,reflected, shot off the nails.No more commands to be heard,they continue on.Darkness meeting defeat by light,through a superior\u2019s strength they prevail.Freedom brought by light,the light found by grace.They worked on, by day, even by night.The task nearly finished.They continued on,and justly,there\u2019s work,to build.Through mercy, light is permitted us.Not by the work we do,nor our goodness,but the mercy of an Overseer.The Overseer\u2019s name?Jesus.Jesus, Son of God most High,and King of all.Jesus,the Cornerstone and Rock of our foundation.Daily, and nightly,we build.For what purpose?We\u2019re building our faith,daily, even nightly.Our faith we build on the Cornerstone,the Founding Rock of our core belief.Jesus,the King.The Lord.Our Savior,even our Prince of Peace.The Builder of the world,not only our Foundation Rock,the Builder of our faith.Jesus,the first, the last, the ultimate. Builder.

or:Hi I read your poem, and it was very good. At first glance I noticed you used metaphors to express your feelings about the subject you finally revealed, Jesus, the Corner Stone, The Rock, and Builder of our faith.I appreciated how you built up anticipation for what was to come, it was subtle but very descriptive.If a person was not religiously inclined, they would read this poem out of curiosity, just to see where it was going. You got me at, \"In a brave (chatoyance), a radiance from the lamp granted them\". I did not quite understand what that meant, perhaps the word was misspelled, however the next words that caused my curiosity to spike again were, \"Darkness meeting defeat by light, through a superior\u2019s strength they prevail\". I do understand why you would want a completely, unbiased, neutral point of view and not from a person's personal religious one.I also write poems and enjoy reading another persons works, however not everyone has the ability to express themselves in a way to be heard by others.One poet who was very expressive and who's words have penetrated the minds and hearts of many, down till our day, is King David. ( Bible writer, composer, poet).I hope my honest expressions, was something that you can benefit from.

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