Is this story beginning okay? What could be a stronger beginning?
"Hi Joseph!" Hailey Gordon-Ryan said."Hi Hailey," I answered. "How was your summer?""It was okay," Hailey says. "What about you?""Mine was fine," I sa
"Hi Joseph!" Hailey Gordon-Ryan said.
"Hi Hailey," I answered. "How was your summer?"
"It was okay," Hailey says. "What about you?"
"Mine was fine," I said. "What'd you do on the Fourth of July?"
"I hung out with my family at the town pool," Hailey said. "What did you do?"
"I hung out at home with my brothers and sisters. My parents were out of town."
"Oh." Hailey smiled. "Cool." Then the bell rang for class.
"See you later Hailey," I said, and walked to Ms. Oliver's classroom.
Hailey followed me to class. I almost forgot that she was a student in Ms. Oliver's class.
"Oh hi again Hailey," I said, blushing.
"Hello again Jose," Hailey said, and walked to her desk. She sat down and waved at me. I blushed again and sat down at my desk in the back of the room. At one point during math, I made the class laugh by
imitating Ms. Oliver behind her back. Ms. Oliver gave me extra homework and note sent home about my
behavior. When I got home, I handed the note from Ms. Oliver to my parents and they said they would
talk about it privately with each other until they gave me a punishment. As I did my homework in my
bedroom, I heard my Dad yelling.
"You don't know what you're talking about Marie! You've have no idea what Jose's been struggling with! I
wish you didn't have to act like a complete fool."
Then I heard my mother say she had to go make a few calls with Ms. Oliver, Mr. and Mrs. Duehring, and
Mrs. Ebling. I heard her slam her bedroom door and then screaming about my Dad being a huge jerk. I
couldn't agree more. My Dad was a jerk. 10 minutes later, my Dad knocked on the bedroom door.
"Come in," I said.
Dad walked in, closed the door, and sat down at the edge of my bed. "Hey Joseph."
"What's up Dad?" I said. "Still fighting with Mom?"
Dad made a confused face. "N-no," Dad stammered. "Why?"
"Because I heard what you said to Mom," I snapped. "You're dead wrong."
"About what?" Dad chuckled nervously.
"About everything!" I got up and turned to face my Dad. "You're wrong about everything! About me being
the world's dumbest child in the family, about me lying to Ms. Oliver about my language arts assignment!
Everything!"
Dad wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye.
"And I don't care if you're crying," I said angrily. "You know how Mom hates your tone of voice when you
are mad?"
"Joseph-"
"And how you think you're Mr.-Nice-Guy?"
"Yes but-"
"And how everyone hates you?"
"Joseph please-"
or:\"Hi Joseph!\" Hailey Gordon-Ryan said.\"Hi Hailey,\" I answered. \"How was your summer?\"\"It was okay,\" Hailey says. \"What about you?\"\"Mine was fine,\" I said. \"What'd you do on the Fourth of July?\"\"I hung out with my family at the town pool,\" Hailey said. \"What did you do?\"\"I hung out at home with my brothers and sisters. My parents were out of town.\"\"Oh.\" Hailey smiled. \"Cool.\" Then the bell rang for class.\"See you later Hailey,\" I said, and walked to Ms. Oliver's classroom.Hailey followed me to class. I almost forgot that she was a student in Ms. Oliver's class.\"Oh hi again Hailey,\" I said, blushing.\"Hello again Jose,\" Hailey said, and walked to her desk. She sat down and waved at me. I blushed again and sat down at my desk in the back of the room. At one point during math, I made the class laugh byimitating Ms. Oliver behind her back. Ms. Oliver gave me extra homework and note sent home about mybehavior. When I got home, I handed the note from Ms. Oliver to my parents and they said they wouldtalk about it privately with each other until they gave me a punishment. As I did my homework in my bedroom, I heard my Dad yelling.\"You don't know what you're talking about Marie! You've have no idea what Jose's been struggling with! Iwish you didn't have to act like a complete fool.\"Then I heard my mother say she had to go make a few calls with Ms. Oliver, Mr. and Mrs. Duehring, andMrs. Ebling. I heard her slam her bedroom door and then screaming about my Dad being a huge jerk. Icouldn't agree more. My Dad was a jerk. 10 minutes later, my Dad knocked on the bedroom door.\"Come in,\" I said.Dad walked in, closed the door, and sat down at the edge of my bed. \"Hey Joseph.\"\"What's up Dad?\" I said. \"Still fighting with Mom?\"Dad made a confused face. \"N-no,\" Dad stammered. \"Why?\"\"Because I heard what you said to Mom,\" I snapped. \"You're dead wrong.\"\"About what?\" Dad chuckled nervously.\"About everything!\" I got up and turned to face my Dad. \"You're wrong about everything! About me beingthe world's dumbest child in the family, about me lying to Ms. Oliver about my language arts assignment!Everything!\"Dad wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye.\"And I don't care if you're crying,\" I said angrily. \"You know how Mom hates your tone of voice when youare mad?\"\"Joseph-\"\"And how you think you're Mr.-Nice-Guy?\"\"Yes but-\"\"And how everyone hates you?\"\"Joseph please-\"
