My boyfriend has an obsessive ex-girlfriend that won't leave him alone. What should he do?
My boyfriend is an angel. He wouldnt say anything rude to anyone, which includes his ex. This is a problem because he doesnt want to be mean by saying
My boyfriend is an angel. He wouldn't say anything rude to anyone, which includes his ex. This is a problem because he doesn't want to be mean by saying something rude to her. I was wondering if there was a "nice" way he could get rid of her. She says she "loves" him, but she hurt his feelings really bad(too much of a sensitive topic to give details about). My boyfriend has a hard time saying no to people, and I think that's why she is obsessed with him. Before, he mostly wouldn't deny people's request although he was mostly reluctant to do them. He now asks me and a very close person for advice, such as; if he should do this and that. Well, the big problem is, she won't leave him alone. He goes and hugs her and says he forgives her for what she's done, which I think is one of the reasons why she is still hanging around him. I really don't know what to do. She even said, "If you kiss me at least once every week, I'll leave you alone." It's just too much. I need expert psychological help.
or:My boyfriend is an angel. He wouldn't say anything rude to anyone, which includes his ex. This is a problem because he doesn't want to be mean by saying something rude to her. I was wondering if there was a \"nice\" way he could get rid of her. She says she \"loves\" him, but she hurt his feelings really bad(too much of a sensitive topic to give details about). My boyfriend has a hard time saying no to people, and I think that's why she is obsessed with him. Before, he mostly wouldn't deny people's request although he was mostly reluctant to do them. He now asks me and a very close person for advice, such as; if he should do this and that. Well, the big problem is, she won't leave him alone. He goes and hugs her and says he forgives her for what she's done, which I think is one of the reasons why she is still hanging around him. I really don't know what to do. She even said, \"If you kiss me at least once every week, I'll leave you alone.\" It's just too much. I need expert psychological help.
or:The ex, by saying \"If you kiss me ... I'll leave you alone\" sounds very manipulative. Perhaps she's used to manipulating people in general, or as you've guessed, manipulating your bf because he can be manipulated. Either way, it sounds like a *codependence* issue. As long as your bf *enables* her to continue, she won't stop. It's all up to him to put an end to enabling her.Then again, by hoping to solve his problem by asking your question and describing the other peoples' feelings/motivations, you've become caught in the codependency. It can be difficult to disentangle yourself and *detach* with love:1. Detach from his ex completely, don't even think about her feelings or motivations. Ignore her. When your bf speaks of her, re-focus the conversation on him by asking simple questions such as \"How do YOU feel about this?\" or \"Is it helping YOU to focus on this?\"2. Encourage your bf to detach from his ex. However, keep in mind, you'll be his enabler if you give him too much advice, or do things for him.Best thing to do: search \"codependents anonymous\" (also \"codependency\" in general) and read up on the subject for yourself. Then you can pass on a link to your bf. It's up to him after that, honestly there's nothing you can do to control the situation.Long story short:Codependence = seeking to control everything/everyone around you. Detachment = giving up control over everyone but *yourself*. Learning these things now will help you the rest of your life! Hope this helps.
