My boyfriend wants us to have his family dog.. What do I do?
I am with a 26 year old man. Hes been married, currently going through a divorce with a 2 1/2 year old son. Were looking to get a dog, which I want on
I am with a 26 year old man. He's been married, currently going through a divorce with a 2 1/2 year old son. We're looking to get a dog, which I want one from the beginning so it'll be our first dog together, yet he wants to have his old dog. His wife doesn't want the dog so her parents are currently looking after him. Once we are properly settled, he can get the dog off them but am I being unreasonable when I say I don't really want the dog? It was the dog he got with his wife .. I don't want to have the dog that they got together. I want one of our own.. What do I do?
or:I am with a 26 year old man. He's been married, currently going through a divorce with a 2 1/2 year old son. We're looking to get a dog, which I want one from the beginning so it'll be our first dog together, yet he wants to have his old dog. His wife doesn't want the dog so her parents are currently looking after him. Once we are properly settled, he can get the dog off them but am I being unreasonable when I say I don't really want the dog? It was the dog he got with his wife .. I don't want to have the dog that they got together. I want one of our own.. What do I do?
or:I would guess that the decision should probably be left to the son... You may be effected by this crossover in this way, but at the same time remember that there have been many cultures by which a female has even been raped and the child born of that was raised by the community and by the mother/family with love (this is not to say that you must do this or feel this way, but simply that you do have it within you to overcome this). At the same time your the man you are seeing should be able to let go as a new promising relationship should be worth more to him than a dog.The one that is most likely to be influenced the most by this decision is the child (as he is smaller than you two he is more vulnerable, emotionally he is also vary vulnerable and this may very well be added to by his parents separating, he will have more demands to properly cope and seek both attention and the pains of ownership both as owner of the dog and owner of things that are likely to be damaged simply by having the dog around, etc.).When I was a child I hated dogs because they would never leave me alone and the first dog I was around was big and would pin me while it licked me... I still hate dogs because of this. On the other hand my nephew grew up mostly the same way (but with a golden retriever that was a newly born puppy at the same time he was born so they grew more together, but dogs still grow faster and he still ended up the smaller of the two) and the point is that he loved that dog like it was a family member (like a wonderful sister or brother) and when the dog got too old and started becoming violent and had to be put down as such it was one of the most traumatic experiences of his life (even though he suffered extensive abuse by other family members throughout the years this event still stays with him, perhaps because the greatest thing a dog offers is unconditional love and as such he was the one being in his life that never seemed to turn on him). This is what he may be going through. But do not decide from this what to do because as I said you won't know which one he is unless you ask him (I actually ended up being more of a cat person and still am although I tried a newt and fish at one time but didn't like it at all, and my nephew went with everything from snakes to spiders to fish to a porcupine among other dogs since the first dog he had)...Ask him if he wants to keep the same dog, ask him if he wants a new one, ask him if he wants some other kind of pet that you can afford to have. But ultimately as dependent and vulnerable of a child as he is with so little control or luxuries (other areas by which we can compensate for feeling a lack of control such as shopping etc.) he is the one with the most at stake. It is also important to add that these are the crucial core character building moments of his life, and also that there is no philosophical understanding that he will comprehend at this time because his brain is simply not developed enough to conceptualize and be able to connect potential consequences by... he is simply at a point of monkey want monkey point so don't go out of your way to explain it to him either. Just ask his son straight forward and simply the questions stated above in that order (what he thinks and/or wants) and (keep in mind he may be shy and slow about his answer especially if he has not been given a choice like this before... which is important that we learn how to start choosing while we are young, my nephew for example was denied every making any significant choice for himself and now days if someone does not tell him what to do he doesn't know how to respond most of the times in fact he usually freezes up and neither of you want that of him as he grows into an adult so involve him) so listen to what he has to say (also try to ask him specifically how he would FEEL about it because when you are that young there are many times when it is as if our feelings and our thoughts are treated as two separate things within our own mind as a young child, and even as an adult you can see this as you are probably experiencing now your thoughts and emotions are probably having two different experiences with two different goals in mind).Do these things or use this information as you see fit to fulfill these things and then if it does work out you will be a treated as a wonderful mother (and you don't have to be super mom, because my eldest sister was strict with me but she taught me was strict simply in holding me to my consequences and otherwise was loving and supportive in whatever I wanted to do and in this way was more a mother to me than my biological mother ever was), and if it doesn't work out the dog and the guy will be the last thing on your mind (you will simply move on and it will become a thing of the past)... but the ramifications of mistreating a child is huge in that you question your abilities as a nurturer or as a person to be moral or ethical as well as many other things that cause you to carry heavy, regretful, and tormenting feeling with you as you move forward (and for yourself that isn't worth it, it is more worth it to you to prove to yourself that you can be a good mother and a good nurturer).Hope this helps, and good luck... :)
or:Well ur being silly for one I think when a dog gets a new owner he forgets the old owner pretty quick I think dogs live in the now you know what I mean they don't worry about the past or future it just an innocent dog but I do understand your side of it to why don't y'all have two dogs take in the old one that is his and now yours and get a new puppy together it might work out even better than u think having an older dog around a puppy may make the puppy easier to train hope it works out
or:Leave the decision up to the son. After all, it would be hardest on a small child to lose a pet that they love. I would recommend not getting rid of the dog. Ask the son what he wishes to do, and if he wants the dog, keep it. You don't need a new dog to have a dog together. If you think about it, it will be yours and your husbands dog, and not the ex-wife and his. It doesn't need to be a new dog to be your first dog together as well. You are being a little bit unreasonable! Your husband wants his dog.
